From the first moment
I laid eyes on you
you were beautiful.
And misery knows misery
and I knew that too.
I stayed away.
Because believe it or not
I don’t try to fuck up,
it just comes naturally to me.
Roses and Candle lightSpinning lines comparing eye color to emeraldsRoses and Candle light by Jaybird101
or how that smile can light up the night sky
doesn’t really suite me.
Hinging on every motion, every gesture
like dangling from the edge of a cliff
doesn’t feel natural either.
You know the term “Hopeless Romantic”;
well, I’m hopelessly the opposite of that.
And I don’t cling too much of anything.
That’s not the way I am.
It isn’t a lack of sensitivity or passion.
It isn’t a lack of interest or intrigue.
I’m just not built for roses and candle light.
And I enjoy the empty spaces in between.
Easy MelodyThere is solaceEasy Melody by Jaybird101
in the empty spaces of existence,
but those are few and far between.
That’s what I used to think,
but there’s a fine line
between company and chaos.
It seems either the walls scream
or I am lonely.
What I need is a medium;
voices of monotone,
of reason, with no burden of my life
or their own,
just a nice easy melody.
Miss Me a littleWhen I come to the end of the lineMiss Me a little by Jaybird101
With no sun on my back
Or green pastures at my feet
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room
I want no tears for a soul set free
Miss me a little but do not dwell for too long
And not with your head hung low
Remember all we once shared
All we experienced
Miss me a little but let me go
For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone
It's all part of the cycle of our lives
A step on the road to home
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows
In memories of the times we shared
Miss me a little but let me go
Free KingPerhaps I will stage a comeback,Free King by Jaybird101
as if I was ever really here.
Write of new chapters and limits,
with all that has come to bear.
It started with the pursuit of change
and a blind leap of faith. I took flight
throwing caution to the wind
and bled along the way.
The landing was a treacherous one
casting bone and concrete
into the air.
When the dust settled
and the sky ceased to weep
I was a free king again.
And so I did what all kings should do.
I returned to where I'm from.
I found the people of my kingdom
to be different and yet the same.
They had a few new scars
and a little more time served
and the tattoos to document it all.
Aside from that
they were the same as I once knew,
standing with open arms.
When asked why I left
all those years ago
I told them
I did it for the children.
We rejoiced and reminisced of old times.
Then celebrated in true Spring Branch fashion
and at that point
I was reminded
of all I had missed.
TuesdayYou write the words so no one will understand, it isTuesday by sunshinegypsy
Tuesday again, always Tuesday, even when it
is Friday and the school across the street shrieks with excitement, the
walls have ears and you say it is Tuesday and carefully write a list
of what you have and have not allowed yourself, because
it is always Tuesday and the walls shake their heads,
and trace the lines of your notes, shorter every week, but not
every day because it is not Tuesday and you can write what you
need, the walls do not have ears.
You do not use the phone because the words have slipped from your grasp,
the subtle difference between careful and controlled, the words on the paper
say I had an English degree as if it has fallen between the crack in the night
between yesterday and today. You say, fine, a word that says exactly what
you did not want it to, but you fold your shirt against your body, soft as tissue
until only your hands grasp themselves, twisted like birds,
the living and the deadI lie on the floor, I cannot bearthe living and the dead by sunshinegypsy
the bed, the sheets, so sweet smelling
soft. I lie on the floor like it is the deck of a ship
before a storm.
the things I used to tell you
no one knows,
the nightmares followed us home, but I like
to think you have learned the secret -
where to begin the forgetting. I
put you in a room like a moth
in a jar, listen for your last breath, open
the door, but you are gone
the scent of burning
hair, the animal fear, the way your
knees brush each other like leaves,
I lie on the floor, my hipbone falling
between beams, dirty laundry under my cheek,
I fall asleep watching the rise and fall
of my bed.
BirdtalkI know that the Starman will be waiting in the sky, butBirdtalk by Bark
I don't think about it under these fluorescent lights
I remember when Wal-Mart wasn't a hospital, the world
wasn't a graveyard, and my spine wasn't ripped out
Didn't the birds used to talk? I seem to remember that
MapsRed and blue and green and black veins stretchMaps by BeyondJen
across pages, spider-webbing out across expanses,
across golden fields, green pastures,
and evergreen blanketed hillsides
that reach towards mountain tops.
The cardinal nor the rose can claim us.
We are more free than these boundaries insist upon,
free to break through their dashed lines;
it's all just an illusion, like so much else
between destinations and dreams.
We speak of wants and desires so freely
until we submit to being folded into creases,
never neatly, and always with a struggle
to open up and expand beyond outstretched arms.
Our seams will never touch like this, never flourish
into roots of family trees in gardens of our choosing.
I wish the wind would whisk us away on clear currents,
and toss us to fate and chance; hardships be damned!
Why do we never take our chances one step further,
testing the strength of our confines?
Copyright © 2012 Jen Fowler
All Rights Reserved
I’m a middle aged white boy with a past, present, and god willing a future. I’ve lived hard and fast most my life and now it seems I’m tired. I work for a living and play on the weekends. I enjoy Nascar, beer, BBQ, and Bourbon. I love punk rock, Rip Hop, and Reggae music and I don’t do much without them. I enjoy tattoos, the bar scene, and my night life in general (though it’s hard on me sometimes). I try not to cause problems for anyone and I hate drama. Basically I just want to take care of my responsibilities and have a good time along the way. I guess you could say I’m a fairly simple guy.
As for writing, my interest began in late 2008-early 2009 because I never really cared much for shrinks or head doctors. Since then I like to think I’ve grown as a writer, but like most things we embark on I know I will forever be a student of literature. Now, I would love to categorize my writing style for you, throw out words like fixed form and free verse, but I gave that up almost immediately. Instead, I just call it life poetry and tag it as spoken-word leaving the rest up to you. I sincerely hope you enjoy what you find here.
Current Residence: Texas